Revised august 2025 – and still not ready for my AARP card
Have you ever wondered why there’s no warning when an AARP card arrives? At the very least, the Jaws theme should play, signaling you’ve officially reached “senior citizen” territory.
My 50th birthday was already a shock, but the card pushed me over the edge. It arrived one sunny afternoon, gleaming in outdated plastic with my name stamped in gold letters — not the sleek metal of today’s credit cards. No chip, either. Probably for the best. With my luck, it would call 911 if I dropped it.
I stood at the mailbox, staring at it like it might detonate. “How do they even know how old I am?”
My oldest came downstairs to check on me, took one look, and backed away with a grin he tried to hide. My husband, on the other hand, was thrilled. “I’ve been meaning to sign up with them,” he said, already halfway to his iPad.
“Why are you so excited to be old?” I asked.
He rattled off the perks — discounted movie tickets, hotel deals, roadside assistance — like he’d been studying for the AARP entrance exam. I left the room before he could start the PowerPoint.
The card’s still in his dresser, waiting for the day I’m ready. I’m not there yet. I did get my convertible — not a Porsche, but it still makes me feel younger. Until it breaks down, and I have to call my husband… who will, of course, use the AARP roadside assistance.
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Not quite there yet, but I swear I can hear the AARP envelope rustling in the distance. Looks like it’s time for me to put some real work into honing my denial skills! Practice makes perfect, right?