School lunches have been rolling around in my head since July. They stress me out and somehow get harder as my kids get older\u2014middle school is no picnic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I was a kid, I didn\u2019t enjoy the lunch that was packed for me. My parents were children of the Depression\u2014and combined with my mother\u2019s dislike of cooking\u2014let\u2019s just say they were utilitarian. Peanut butter sandwiches were not like the ones seen in commercials, with a thick layer you could see the edges from the knife spreading it. No, I would describe my sandwiches more as bread (dry wheat bread) with a flavor of peanut butter and a hint of jam. I wasn\u2019t alone; I saw other kids\u2019 lunches similar to mine, a sandwich\u2014though their sandwiches oozed grape jelly and peanut butter and looked far more appetizing. We all had an apple or orange, chips, and sometimes, if you were really lucky, you had a Hostess Twinkie or Ding Dong. The spotlight was on you as everyone watched you open it and eat it, enviously, wishing they had one.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
However, my perception of what homemade sandwiches could be changed when I sat next to a girl whose Italian grandmother made her lunch. It was on a soft French roll, with different kinds of cold cuts\u2014salami, mortadella\u2014thin slices of Swiss cheese and provolone, and then lettuce that was not iceberg and tomato, topped off with both homemade mayo and Dijon mustard, all wrapped in cling wrap. She had yogurt with fruit in it and the most beautiful homemade cookies every day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I never knew such kid lunches existed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Once in a while, she would not want her sandwich, and she would give it to me. I couldn\u2019t believe anyone would give up such a prize, but I took it, and it was the best thing I ever tasted. I asked her several times, \u201cAre you sure?\u201d She said, \u201cI get them all the time, and I get tired of them.\u201d
I just about fell off the bench.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If we ever had salami, it was in the Oscar Mayer variety pack, and it was large slices with chunks of peppercorns, along with a lingering taste of the bologna that was packed next to it. This was not that kind of salami\u2014this was deli-sliced salami. It was all from the deli. We didn\u2019t buy lunch meat from the deli counter of the grocery store\u2014it was too expensive, especially for kids\u2019 lunches. However, that day in third grade, as I tasted Dijon mustard for the first time, I made a vow to myself that someday my kids would get great lunches like my friend\u2019s grandmother packed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fast forward 20\u201330 years: I would make a sandwich for my kids on specialty bread, fresh lettuce, tomatoes, and layers of deli-sliced turkey, ham, or sometimes salami. Packed popular chip varieties, fruit would be fresh peaches, strawberries, or berries in general. I avoided the apples and bananas that stunk up your lunchbox. I would also try to give a cookie or a treat of some kind, plus one more snack item for recess. I thought, oh, these are good lunches and healthy\u2014vow fulfilled.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I made the mistake: I asked my son how he liked his lunch, and waited while he gave it thought\u2014and he had thoughts. He thought the roll was too hard, and he didn\u2019t like tomatoes, so he didn\u2019t eat it and threw it away.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My heart felt a weight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then he declared he was no longer a fan of peaches and didn\u2019t want those in his lunch. I still remember the day we discovered that variety together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A little more weight on my heart.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I said, okay, I will leave off the tomatoes and put in a different fruit. I so wanted him to be happy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then the final blow: \u201cMom, I just want a plain sandwich with only one slice of turkey, and I want plain chips so I can put them in my sandwich.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Ooh, life is cruel!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
From that point on, lunch became an anxiety-filled chore as I desperately tried to hold on to the ideal. Too much mayo or not enough? Is the bread right? You like Pirate\u2019s Booty\u2014now Pirate\u2019s Booty is out. Got it. I would cook tortellini, but they were never hot enough. I tested more insulated containers than Consumer Reports until I found Thermos\u2019s kid-size food jar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I did have one win: in fifth grade, he gave half his sandwich to a friend who didn\u2019t like his lunch. The friend loved my turkey sandwich, so I started making an extra one. I needed that win. Life had come full circle.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My second child is a foodie from birth. He was open to different kinds of flavors and textures. I was so excited to finally have a child who would appreciate my lunches\u2014or so I thought.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Where the first one just wanted something utilitarian so he could go play, the second one expected an experience and had the notes of a New York Times food critic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The tortellini were too hot. If I could let it cool a little before putting it in the thermos, it would be appreciated. In addition, the Parmesan cheese needed to be mixed into the pasta instead of being grated on top.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sandwiches were okay, but again only a thin, barely detectable layer of mayo\u2014depending on the bread\u2014maybe some green leaf lettuce, but only that; romaine lettuce was too crunchy, and spinach, well, even raw didn\u2019t sit well on the palate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
While it sounds spoiled, both kids were just answering my questions and thought they were being helpful. However, as the years passed and peanut butter was banned from schools, I found myself running out of options. My lunches became less exciting, and to take the stress off, I was happily paying for school lunches more often than I could admit to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now I have my youngest, born much later and at a different point in my life. In his younger years, his dad would pack his lunches; by then, my dreams were shattered, and I was but a shadow of my former self.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Insert dramatic soap opera swoon here!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My husband thought I put way too much into making their lunches\u2014and the expense. He, too, was more utilitarian than foodie. Defeated, I left him to it, but the guilt still stayed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The youngest loved salami, like his dad, so that\u2019s what he got, all the time. I think if COVID hadn\u2019t affected his school time, the salami rebellion would have happened sooner. But fourth grade was a turning point\u2014and, for once, my husband felt the burn. Salami sandwiches were out. Just slices of a particular brand, and no cheese! Then, finally, none at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
By fifth grade, lunch wasn\u2019t about eating. It was about maximizing his time to play soccer or football with his friends. Luckily, our schools pay for lunches so kids always have access to food.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
However, on the brink of his teen years, he is constantly hungry\u2014yet he doesn\u2019t eat lunch. He waits until he gets home. I used to make him a sandwich. Now I don\u2019t even do that right. He prefers making them himself. I don\u2019t toast the sourdough properly. And I add the chips too soon. Again with the chips!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
This year I found myself getting frustrated, trying to figure out his ideal lunch. I shared this with friends recently; they all said, kindly, \u201cMom Guilt.\u201d In past years, I would have agreed\u2014and I still find myself wanting to say it now. But in my case, I think it was the promise eight-year-old me made that I let down. And my older self thinks: perhaps it wasn\u2019t lunch at all; that was just the obvious\u2014and tastiest. It gave me something I could do to offset the powerlessness of being eight.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I had forgotten the initial feeling of delight and astonishment at seeing something so grand in a kid\u2019s lunch. It was like going from black-and-white to full color. It sounds silly now, as I live in an area with so many flavor options, but it was the \u201970s\u2014the era of canned vegetables, Minute Rice, and iceberg lettuce. Everyone had a version of these things for dinner, just as everyone had the same version of lunch.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Now I see the full scope of the moment. It opened my mind to other ways of doing things\u2014and I wish I\u2019d made the connection sooner. I could have saved myself a lot of morning stress. Yes, we can put whatever we want in a lunch, but do we always take advantage of all our options? Are we still delighted by a new take, or do we keep to our ways? Now my concern is not lunch, but my kids having those moments\u2014to revel in the discovery. When they did, was I open-minded enough to hear it\u2014and model it? I honestly don\u2019t know. I can only hope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For now, I can give up chasing the car\u2014waving like a madwoman with the forgotten lunch\u2014and embrace life\u2019s new options: I\u2019ll rant by text.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I chased the perfect school lunch until I remembered the eight-year-old who first tasted what was possible.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":111203969,"featured_media":8817,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"jetpack_seo_schema_type":"","_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"_kad_post_classname":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_wpcom_ai_launchpad_first_post":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"In third grade, my eyes were opened to what was possible in a kid's lunch. 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Our Aussie, Olive, was an expert in toy destruction\u2014until these stood up to the test. 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